What’s Right? When you don’t feel good…
There are times when we all go through things. When our mate is going through we often overlook the subtle signs. Sometimes we make up the story that they are just looking for a pity party or excess sympathy. Even if thats the case why can’t we give them what they want? Will it kill us to do so? Of course not. Most times giving will in return get you what you want.
When a person says I’m not feeling well today, don’t overlook that as being a generic response like most people do when they ask how are you today. Ask them what’s going on thats making them feel this way? I personally never ask people what’s wrong because it makes a persons mind move towards things that are wrong, and I want them to focus on what’s good. It makes you at least get your mind going in a possitive direction. Most times people feel bad from meditating on all the sh%t that’s going wrong or fearing the worst!
When you ask what’s going on, take about 5 mins to show a genuine concern to the other person. Most times you won’t even have to give a response at least not right off. Most times, depending on the problem, people simply want to borrow your ear for listening purposes . Most men usually respond to a woman by simply going immediately to a solution but if its a woman and the problem is mental then they usually don’t want your two cent unless they ask specifically. They just want you to listen… It’s funny because women will usually talk themselves into the solution if you listen long enough and when they do, just encourage them and tell them your behind them 100%. It will do wonders for them.
When a woman doesn’t support her man he will usually go away to his cave and not talk. His feelings shut down and that’s not good neither does a woman want that. He will often look for a sounding board that can easily turn into a soft shoulder of another woman who is saying I understand and telling him how great he is and this will pass like everything else did.
Healthy relationships are all about sharing everything… Feelings, good times, bad moments, cooking, laughter, tears, your body and everything else. Don’t mess it up by being a wise ass or saying something that would turn the other person off like, why the hell did you do that, or I told you so! Nobody wants to hear those words especially when the first words to come out of their mouth were, “I don’t feel good today”.
Instead, offer to ask, is there anything I can do? What will fix this situation? How can we make this better? Would you like me to come by and bring my cheer you up hat with me? If its a man, the hat with some lingerie may immediately help. if its a woman, some flowers, a card and genuine attentiveness may turn into a bedroom moment but don’t rush in and don’t expect it because if she isn’t relieved than mentally then forget it! Alleviate the problem first but maybe not how a man thinks.
Me and my sister as little kids had this thing where we hated to go to the bathroom by ourselves. We would ask the other person to simply come along and “do tricks” (in our childhood terminology). What is meant was we were bored boo booing and so the other person would come in a swing on the shower curtains and dance doing stupid faces etc. it’s funny as hell looking back but at the time when your constipated, it makes the time fly past! As adolescents in elementary school, these were the good ole days!
When your going through, you want someone to make you feel better if possible. While we are living we will experience pain, either physically or mentally at some point. How do we release the pressure? Sometimes it’s the medicine of laughter, sometimes it’s the words of comfort, sometimes a gift at the right time, sometimes it’s simply your presence and just “BEING WITH THEM” that means the world! You may know this term as EMPATHIZING.
Whether its a funeral, nervousness, catching someone cheating, a break-up, job loss, pregnant or simply going through a sickness. Maybe it doesn’t seem like its so serious to you but know that you don’t have to be a smart ass that says well all you have to do is such and such… like your the magic Genie coming off as inconsiderate and a know it all. Go through the strom with them. Let them attempt to work it out themselves and if that doesn’t work, then offer to lend a hand or advice. If they decline, than thats ok, it doesn’t mean that they reject you and don’t take it personal.
I have saved a few people’s lives when I got the midnight call of distress and let me tell you, if your not open or sensitive to people’s feelings, you will miss it! You could over look the signs of someone on the brink of taking their life and one wrong reply will send them over the cliff. You never know which straw will push someone over the edge. Those people that I went to the rescue at their time of need will probably agree that it was a petty issue looking back, but at the time it was a huge mountain and they couldn’t see on the other side to know that it was going to be ok.
When problems flare up, lets be like Doctors coming with band aids. Even when surgery is necessary, if at all possible, doctors try and make the patient as comfortable as possible before they go in as they prepare for surgery. No doctor goes to inflict unnecessary pain on purpose. They prescribe pain killers to ease the pain and sometimes our words are the only sedative you have on hand when your friend or loved one comes to you saying, I don’t feel good today. Remember that even doctors must take the time out to listen fully to what the problems or symptoms are before they can begin to diagnose. Relationships are similar and most people stay for the joy ride. When you ask them why, they will say I like the way the person makes me feel. The flip side is that most people will break up with yo Azz because they DIDNT like the way you constantly made them feel either.
One can leave feeling stitched up and feeling good or either torn apart and left in shambles. Its your choice and I suggest you use your powers for the good and betterment of all mankind like a super hero. Lets be like Jesus who came not to destroy but to help heal the world. He said we could do greater things then he did and I am convinced we can start with healing and even saving our relationships with right words. Even if they seemingly start out as negative, simply throw on your bib and allow them to throw up all that nonsense on your shoulder. Don’t begin the cleanup until their done.
Too many people disconnect or break-up because the world seems angry all the time, or offended easily and looking for something to go wrong and tick us off. Everyone is stupid except for us… Really? Wrong focus. Everyone knows you can only fix a problem when you focus on the solution. Sometimes it’s about having TACT & TIMING. I know because I have destroyed a relationship or two and sent the other person running in the other direction trying to help out with good intentions (so I thought) but leaving them feeling judged. How does this happen? Misunderstandings and just not as skilled in relationships as I thought I was because different people need different things. There is no simple one time, one way to fix all.
At the end of the day, lets stop asking people what’s wrong and start asking, WHAT’S RIGHT? Lets learn how to help make others turn, what seems like a bad day to a shifting of consciousness which turns into, I feel a lot better because of you BEING THERE for me! Always be aware of how you LEAVE others. Why because that’s what people remember and it’s what lingers on in their minds.
Your smile is your logo, Your personality is your business card,
How you leave others feeling after having an experience with you is your trademark!
P.s. Handle your business & Let’s all continue to work on our brand. ; )